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Have you noticed how skeptical people are these days? I have to admit that I'm one of those skeptics. We are a generation of skeptics. And we have every right to be. Not a day goes by where I don't get another false claim or urban legend through my e-mail. We live in a time, in a culture where we have been lied to so much... we have told so many lies... we have lived so many lies... And I for one must admit I'm sick and tired of the lies, the game-playing, the manipulation, the hypocrisy. As I talk with people everywhere, I find that most of them are as fed-up as I am. That is why we here at LDF believe that God is saying to us, to the world, that He wants us to “Be Real with ourselves, others, and God.” But just what does it mean to Be Real and how can we know what the truth is? Well, for someone who truly desires to be a Christ-follower the answer can be found in His Word: "Therefore, ridding yourselves of all moral filth and evil excess, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save you. But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man looking at his own face in a mirror; for he looks at himself, goes away, and right away forgets what kind of man he was. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer who acts--this person will be blessed in what he does." James 1:21-25 One of the greatest paradoxes of the Christian faith is that on the one hand we are to strive for perfection, but on the other hand we will always remain imperfect sinners. Instead of accepting both the good and the bad in ourselves and others, we may gravitate to one extreme or the other-- either striving for perfection so much that we have no tolerance for failure, or passively resigning to the inevitability of sin and never overcoming its influence. Avoiding these extremes and having a mature, balanced attitude about the good and bad in ourselves and others is very important if we want to participate in real relationships. If we fail to have mature and balanced attitudes about this paradox, we are likely to expend great effort appearing to be perfect (or "acceptable") so we can maintain our spiritual status. This is certainly one element of the phariseeism that Jesus condemned in the religious people of his day (Matthew 23). There is little difference between playing up one's appearance to others and garden-variety deceit. Certainly there is a place for confessing sin and being open about temptations in our relationships. This is an important part of being real. But there is more to "being real" than just confession and openness about temptations. In his book "Changes that Heal," Dr. Henry Cloud makes the astute observation that we initially come to Christ because of our own neediness, but that once we become Christians (and the older we are in the Lord) we will probably get caught in the trap of trying to appear perfect or acceptable to our brothers and sisters in the Lord. A critical problem with this is that we may not bring all of ourselves into our relationships with others, instead bringing only those parts that we think others will accept. For example, we might confess sins or talk about struggles that are more common or "acceptable" but be reluctant to talk about things that we fear might not be accepted. These "unacceptable parts" never see the light of Christian fellowship and influence-- but they still live in the depths of our souls. Getting real in our relationships means that we must first get real with ourselves, and honestly see and accept both the good and bad in ourselves. No amount of devotional effort or relational involvement can overcome self-deception or self-ignorance. As we see both the good and bad in ourselves, we can rejoice in the good that God has produced (John 3:21 ) and recognize the bad that needs grace, healing and transformation as well as acceptance. In order to truly be real, we must invest all of our selves-- both the good and the bad-- in our relationships. When we bring this approach into our relationships and fellowship, we are no longer afraid of being "found out." We will cease to spend effort to maintain an image inconsistent with who we really are on the inside. Our lives can be consistent with the needs we expressed when we first became Christians-- that we are sinners and need God's grace and work desperately in our lives. We can bring our real selves into relationship with our brothers and sisters and receive the acceptance and healing that God intended for these relationships to bring. One of the biggest obstacles to openness and being "real" in relationships is fear. The church must be a place where sinners can be accepted-- and not just the new converts! We are likely to consider it acceptable that someone being converted to the Lord will have all sorts of sinful actions and attitudes with which to deal. But after someone becomes a Christian, the grace often ends. Perhaps this comes from the mistaken notion that the repentance required at conversion will somehow make all of the sin simply go away. The reality is that conversion-time repentance serves to commit us to continually addressing these sinful things for the rest of our lives, instead of disregarding them as we did prior to conversion. Without a Scriptural approach to the reality of sin in our lives, we can end up creating an atmosphere that discourages openness and encourages people to act like everything is OK even when it isn't. This type of atmosphere cannot facilitate "being real." Creating an atmosphere of acceptance doesn't mean that sinful thoughts or actions are welcomed or excused. These things are still sinful, and we should strive to let the Holy Spirit change us and remove these from our lives. But the fact is that we all sin, and the very recognition of this fact is at the heart of confession. According to John, confession brings about the purification we need. But if confession brings condemnation or rejection instead of healing (James 5:16 ), we know that we don't yet have an atmosphere of openness and acceptance that is necessary to support us in " being real." With a spirit of love and acceptance, our relationships will facilitate the healing and acceptance that we all need. From a Scriptural perspective, the benefits of being real are incredible. From a spiritual and relational perspective, these type of relationships bring the healing and fullness to our lives that God intended. Let's get real with ourselves and create an atmosphere where we can be real with others, and others can be real with us. As we do so, God will bless us with close, fulfilling relationships and his work in our lives to forgive and help us grow. Just like you and me, the people around us have lots of questions when it comes to the Church, relationships, current issues, and the Bible. Many times, we avoid the hard truths so that we will be liked. However, you can speak the truth in love. That means being honest without being abrasive. When you say what needs to be said in a loving way, God's Spirit can move his truth into hearts without causing collateral damage. When things are left undefined, you can certainly have more people along for the ride. But, at the end of the day, it is better to honestly address those tough questions and allow people to hear your heart on these issues. The fact is, people have these questions whether you are willing to answer them or not. It's better to address them from a biblical point of view than to allow our culture to define the answers. As a result, people are beginning to see the church as a place where we deal with the real issues of the day and where we value honest questions. I found that people appreciated our efforts at addressing their questions whether they agree with the answer or not. So, if you too are tired of the lies, the game-playing, the manipulation, and the hypocrisy, come join us at Lake Deerwood Fellowship and... Be Real Y’All! |
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